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Finding Faith in Losing

5/17/2016

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Two years ago today my life was turned around. Feelings of loss, questions about the unknown, and little tiny bits of hope and "what if"s flooded through my mind.

When we think about loosing a parent, we think about them being old and grey. Dad was 50, in good health and lived in a tiny town where fatal car accidents are few and far between.

Sudden loss has us thinking about so many thoughts that are completely out of our control. It leaves our bodies feeling tired and our emotions drained... the only thing left to do is surrender... one can either choose to surrender to the pain, or surrender to God. I think I went through a cycle of each and eventually chose the latter. ​
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I find peace in knowing Dad is with our Heavenly King, and comfort in dreaming about his reunion with his dad (my grandfather) and his favorite uncle (Grandpa's brother).  
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Dad with my daughter, Audrey during his visit with her before he past. Photo recovered from Dad's phone.
"Moreover, no man knows when his hour will come." ~ Ecclesiastes 9:12

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Ernst Enterprises

3/19/2016

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Ernst Enterprises was a business my dad once owned in our little town of Perryville, Missouri. It was a newspaper distributing company; aka newspaper route. He was known as “The Newspaper Guy” and was a functioning part of our community. Snow (blizzards), rain, heat, ice – whatever the the conditions, he was going to deliver the paper(s) to you that day. Dad loved the news – it was just as important to him as it was to his customers.

The newspapers he delivered included: St. Louis Post-Dispatch, USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, and Southeast Missourian.

As children, my brother and I spent many weekends counting quarters from the newspaper vending machines.  Saturdays, after the morning papers were delivered, our family would "count the funnies”. That is to say, the comic section would hold the advertisements. Since newspapers were put together by machines, there would be duplicate inserts and some missing altogether. Dad wanted each of them hand-counted, sorted and then bundled back together, so his customers would have a perfectly put together paper. I didn’t understand that was what we were doing at the time. I mean, I’m pretty sure single digits represented mine and my brother’s ages.
 
Along for the ride… Mountain Dew, 90’s country music and the sunrise…
 
I frequently rode along with my dad to deliver the papers on his route, typically on Saturday nights. Dad took the back seats out of the car in order to fit the maximum amount of papers; I rode on the top of the wrapped newspapers.
 
Dad drank a LOT of Mountain Dew in order to make it through his late night/early morning shifts. When we stopped at the gas stations to fill the newspaper vending machines, we stocked up on Mountain Dew, Doritos, or some sort of Little Debbie snack. I wouldn’t touch any of these “foods” now, but at the time it was every child’s dream!

We listened to 90's country music as we drove up and down every street in town. To this day, I can't listen to Toby Keith's  "Should've Been a Cowboy" without thinking of those times with Dad.
 
I never made it through the full route before falling asleep, but I remember always waking up to the warm sun and a cool breeze from the rolled-down windows. Watching the sun rise while others were still asleep - that was the greatest payback for our hard work. Summer mornings were the best. Dew dripped from the blades of grass, shimmering in the sun’s reflection. The cool breeze turned warm and the sky filled with multiple colors of orange, pink and purple.
 
We returned home with newspaper ink smudged on our faces and hands, paper dust on our clothes, and a little dirt in our hair and hat from dirt roads we traveled on for those few rural customers. Tired from our journey, I went straight to bed for a nap, while Dad headed out to his second job of farming, auto work, or other odd job.  

“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” ~Dr. Suess


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